I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
