my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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