Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
