I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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