Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
