Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
