Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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