I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
