so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
