My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
