I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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