I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
