in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
