you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
