I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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