She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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