Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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