Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
