It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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