We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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