Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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