I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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