so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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