Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
