I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You left your phone here
Wait...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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