I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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