I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
