Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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