I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
