i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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