Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
