officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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