CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
