i think i have two assholes
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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