So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
