idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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