making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
whose parrot is this?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
