I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
