Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
