What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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