At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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