i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
