She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
