I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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