I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
