i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
