You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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