I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
