Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
