i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
