i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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