my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
they need to just BURY HIM!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
