i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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