Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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