the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
